children_of_lir: (Default)
1:51 pm:

Rick, please accept my apologies. Your offer was probably sincerely meant, but the place I am coming from it just touched off this wild howling storm of sorrow that, to someone not viewing it from the confines of my skull, must seem very disproportionate.

I have processed so many terrible things, and I should have the fortitude to face this. But I've gone toe to toe with Death and handled it better than I am handling the loss of the potential that was/is/was here.

4:51 pm:

Hey Terri! I'm truly sorry to see you in the throes of sadness like this, I'm not sure why it struck such a chord/was not aware of the depths of feelings or emotions you had coming into this. The other night I was heading out to dinner with my pop and had no time for a phone call is all, and then was surprised to see such a response when I got to check my phone, that you stopped by the store for a farewell. I'm still open to friendship, and hope you are too, but like I said I am not at a place where I have a substantive part of myself to give to a relationship right now, i just know myself well in that regard and don't want to hurt feelings by fervently perusing the art life right now and not having the right mindset for romance. I hope you can find some calm in what I'm trying to convey to you, and im open to talking at some point, hope you enjoyed the eclipse!

4:55 pm

Well bear in mind, I have been dealing with all of this on the quiet, for three and a half months. You were only brought into the conversation a short time ago, and only because my heart said the time was right (I hope if nothing else that demonstrates I am acquainted with restraint, it's just been tested to the limit of its tensile strength.)

I was beginning the preparatory steps to shut everything down, and steel myself for what Wednesdays will be like with a hole in them shaped like you.

As a casual observer told me yesterday: I love hard. That's not your doing. You didn't ask for this Cat 5 storm that I am, to come through that door.

And I really did come through it looking to become a slightly less awful guitarist. >.< The rest just sort of happened.
children_of_lir: (Default)
4:23 pm:

Hi Rick, I hope it isn't presumptuous to reach out to you via this method. Heading out now to run my errands in PA. It was a real bear of a week, and last night did not crawl home until after 9 (very demoralized at that.) If it doesn't disrupt anything you've got planned, I really would like to connect at some point this weekend. Best, Terri


5:57 pm:

Hey Terri! Hope weekend is going well so far, lots of progress in life on this end, also stopped in at my families paintball park to work a bit at a big scenario they're doing, a lot like the festival you went to but complete opposite spectrum of people I'm sure.

So recently it's come to full realization in my mind that tho you are an incredible person (gorgeous AND fun to talk to) where I'm at with the fresh break up, and culmination of a million factors of life, is a place of needing a profound amount of time to work on myself, my art, and life before I'm able to step out romantically again. You've been nothing but awesome, and I hope we can still pursue a friendship in the meantime?


6:03 pm:

I appreciate the response Rick, and certainly you have to do what is best for you. Would it be too much to ask if, when I come home in about 90 or so, we could have a face to face discussion? It has been an agonizing 2.5 weeks for me, trying to achieve the place where I am doing honor to my own heart as well as observing your needs.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but: the thing you're asking of me, I won't know if I will be able to give it until/unless we speak in person.


7:55 pm:

Fwiw: back in town, finishing up my usual weekend drudgery. Tried to call, but mailbox full. Please let me know if meeting is an option, I need to decide tonight what the proper thing is to do at my end.


9:11 pm:

Ok. I will parse that as a no, and like your judgement call I must accept it with what grace I can. Though frankly grace is a thing I have not been permitted much of in our dealings with one another, it's mostly been a succession of clumsy drum-pit moments and general flailing mediocrity.

9:14 pm:

Know that for all the wall-crawling anxiety that has caused me to act weird and bug you so very often, there has also been joy and, if not love, at least the cautious beginnings of it. I was beginning to find my song again, or so it felt.

9:14 pm:

I have already stopped at the music store to say my symbolic farewell. I wish you well, bright heart. Go in peace.
children_of_lir: (Default)
To every thing there is a season,
And a time to every purpose under heaven.

August 2017

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